What Happens On Kaoru's Phone
by Gaara's Girl x
Summary: This is an actual conversation i had with a friend on my phone, i thought it was funny so i posted it on here. hope it makes you laugh. TOTAL RANDOMNESS AND YAOI...so enjoy! XD. Graphic-ish so please dont read or flame if dont like, thanks xx


**Hi people, ok first i want to say this is an actual conversation that happened on my phone between me and my friend. Nothing is changed, it is word for word. Secondly this is not detailed, but still contains adult themes. And lastly, I thought this conversation was funny so i posted it for people to share the humour.**

**Sorry i have been away for a long time, no computer and busy. But to make it up to some people i will be uploading chapter 5 of love works in mysterious ways sometime soon along with chapter 6 as an apology for being away so long.**

**In this story it will be layed out as so: who is speaking (texting), and what they say.**

**Warning: Rated M for a reason people. Yaoi (boyxboy) randomness. Though not too detailed. Contains bad language too XD**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, i do not own Ouran high school host club. *cries in corner***

**On With The Randomness...**

Hikaru: Where do you wanna meet on Thursday?

Hikaru: Ru? (Kaoru's nickname by Hikaru in this convo) Are you ignoring me baby? :'(

Hikaru: Kaoruuuuuu! Kaoruuuuu!

Hikaru: I can change! I Swear! Ahh! :'(

Kaoru: OMG! Hikaru I am SOOOO sorry, I didn't mean to ignore u, plz forgive me. I feel terrible about it, plz just forgive me and don't ignore my calls coz I'm really sorry hicky (Hikaru's nickname from Kaoru in this convo) :'( x

Hikaru: Oh thank god! Ru, i thought you'd fallen out with me! My phone is on silent gomenasai (translation: sorry).

Kaoru: It's ok, really. I woz just worried u wouldn't forgive me and that ignoring me woz my punishment gomen (translation: sorry) x

Hikaru: No, your punishment will be a lot more sexy 3 3

Kaoru: Tell me more Hicky... x

Hikaru: You'll just have to wait, but I can tell you that it involves mori-sempai...

Kaoru: Now u HAVE to tell me more... pwetty pwease *bats eyelashes and gives irresistible puppy dog eyes* x

Hikaru: I can't. Mori has sworn me to secrecy but last time i saw him he was on his way to your house... he should be there about now. ;)

Mori using Kaoru's phone: Hey its mori, you probably should have said that before i tied your twin to his bed. By the way, don't be freaked out about how much us in this text, i say a lot more in text and a lot less in person.

Mori: *is. Damn this phone is stupid for typing with. (I added in the mistakes from my phone to make it more realistic...and because these mistakes actually happened. My phone sucks for typing)

Hikaru: Okay mori, but just remember I have honey here so if anything happens to ru, honey is gunna get... awww he's making that face...awwww *melts*

Mori: If you hurt honey I will hurt your Kaoru and OH MY GOD! He is asking if you and honey could join us. I never knew your twin was that dirty. Also i give you permission now to tell Kaoru his punishment because I am here now and I don't really talk.

Hikaru: His punishment is to endure 3 days worth of sexxytime with anyone I choose to send over there. It could be me or it could be Tamaki. Also honey bit me! :'( Then ran off, I have no idea where he is!

Hikaru: And I seriously couldn't remember Tamaki's name for like 5mins haha too busy thinking of you :)

Mori: well he just showed up (honey), don't worry. Did you know that honey had a thing for me and your brother? Well honey is starting one of his fantasies. Also Kaoru doesn't like Tamaki in that way. And thinking of me or your twin?

Hikaru: My ru obviously! No offence mori... lol I may just send Tamaki over to torture you hahaha

Mori: Please I'd rather not. Although um if I have to admit I have had strange fantasies of my own... just not of Tamaki if that's what you think.

Hikaru: okay, he's in the corner looking depressed now... but Kyoya would like to come and "visit" honey. If that's okay with you mori.

Mori: just honey? And not interested in my fantasies?

Hikaru: oh, he says all of you. He's gonna film it aswell it'll be a good thing to play at the host club sometime, he says it will make a lot of money.

Mori: Interesting... and it hurts that you're not interested i hearing about my fantasies. I mean I'm not busy and honey is busy riding Kaoru's dick.

Hikaru: okay mori tell me, I didn't think you were much of a talker :)

Mori: I'm not... but I'm much of a texter. Also my favourite fantasy is of 4 people, as you could say 'getting it on' for lack of better phrase. The 4 people = me (obviously), honey, Kaoru and you. Honey is sucking off Kaoru in the 69 position but Kaoru is sucking you off whilst you fuck his mouth carefully to not make him choke and I am taking him from behind with my 12 ½ inch dick. But that is only one of my fantasies. If you want to hear more... just let me know.

Hikaru: I always thought that me and Kaoru could watch you and honey and touch each other... Tell me more mori! This is getting good. Anything involving bondage?

Mori: well that is my second favourite actually, thanks for asking. But not bondage like you think. Well we come up with a plan on Kaoru's birthday to make sure it was just us (the 4 people from the previous fantasy). And that you buy Kaoru 6 scarves and I buy him 4 chain belts. We sit two chairs back to back and make honey and Kaoru sit on them. We tie their feet to the chairs with a belt per foot and use 4 of the scarves to tie their hands to the chairs aswell, a scarf per hand. Then the teo spare scarf to gag them. We would then strip them and you would suck off Kaoru and I would honey, the switch. But then they would be exhausted so we let them rest.

Mori: *two spare scarves.

Hikaru: Mori you just read my mind! When can this happen? We need to do this!

Mori: it will have to be for Kaoru's birthday. Or...

Hikaru: it's already been... June 9th remember (Hikaru and Kaoru's actual birth date), the only birthday that hasn't been is Kyoya but that's not until November! Damn! But next weekend should be good, if everyone is free.

Mori: His birthday is June ninth? Also we are free and we could say it's an early birthday present.

Hikaru: Yeah! He loves surprises haha

Mori: He will certainly love this one. Don't forget to bring lube, just in case they don't need to sleep ;)

Hikaru: Okay! :D

Kaoru is back on his phone: Tamaki birthday is Feb 29th right? x btw it's me, hicky. Mori is busy with honey and warned me not to read the previous texts and I'm a little worried about that but I trust u x

Hikaru: Haha thank ru, i trust you! The boss's bday is April 8th, why?

Kaoru: Oh, coz honey birthday is 29th feb, i am also talking about birthdays ciz right in the middle of a text mori accidentally sed, out loud, Kaoru's birthday is June 9th so also wondering wot that woz about but he just told me to forget it x

Kaoru: *coz x

Hikaru: oh okay :) also did you know that Tamaki has the same birthday as Gerard way? Crazy.

Kaoru: seriously?! News to me but cool x

Hikaru: Yeah, i think that's why he was crying when we were all celebrating geeways birthday haha

Kaoru: WTF! Is there a reason why Kyoya just barged through the door with a video camera? x

Hikaru: Ermmm no, it's not like, streaming live to my computer or anything... *cough* get naked... *cough*

Kaoru: okay, already am just on ma stomach, I mean I did just get ridden by honey, u won't see anything except honey trying to fit mori's huge cock in his little mouth, i think he is like 11 inches or summin I could be wrong x

Hikaru: Yeah mori is fucking huge! He's like twice me! But everyone is bigger than me... Except honey... wait holy shit! He's huge! How does that work?

Kaoru: I know, I measured it, he is 8 ½ inches. Wot were u again, I mean I'm 7 inches x

Hikaru: 6 ½. You always have to be better than me, don't you?

Kaoru: if your 6 ½ and I'm 7, why am I bottom again x

Hikaru: Because you loooovvvveee it! ;)

Kaoru: well... yeah x

Kaoru: Turned over now but still covered by blanket so ha! No 7 inch for u to see on camera x

Hikaru: haha how was honey btw? I hope he wasn't better than me... :'(

Kaoru: tight, and no one is better than u at sex, but i hope he isn't tighter than me. Then u might leave me for him :'(

Hikaru: I would never! You're a lot cuter than him anyway :) I think mori would cut my dick off if I even went near him. I can see him in the corner looking evil.

Kaoru: That's just because Kyoya asked if he could have a turn with both me and honey. Apparently he is protective over us both x and I'm glad u wouldn't leave me. U think I'm cute? x

Hikaru: Of course I think you're cute! Ask Kyoya to zoom into you so I can *cough* well... you know...

Kaoru: Just asked, but we look the same, don't we? x

Hikaru: Yeah, but I don't fancy myself if that's what you're asking...

Kaoru: Neither do I. I mean I look in a mirror but I don't feel the same as I do when I look at u x

Hikaru: I know! We are individuals after all ;) we're not identical in every way.

Kaoru: I'm jacking off to u right now... how hard does that get u hicky x

Hikaru: REAL HARD! I'm watching you right now! 3 3 you sexy bitch!

Kaoru: you're watching me? GAWD that just made my cock twitch and got it harder. GAWD I wish u were here right now x

Hikaru: Me too, but you'll just have to wait for me. Don't cum! I want you to wait until this weekend, me and mori have something special planned. It'll make it all the better. I promise :) and tell honey to stop eating cake, its putting me off.

Kaoru: I don't think I can wait with the cumming part, or the weekend, I love surprises. Also he hasn't had cake and that is not frosting around his lips x

Hikaru: oh, ohhhhhh mori you dirty bastard! Ha ha

Kaoru: I know right x wonder wot it tastes like x

Kaoru: Honey sed it tastes like white chocolate, nothing compared to u in my opinion x

Hikaru: why don't you find out? Awww thank ru

Kaoru: I will do, u better watch. It will turn me on even more if I know ur watching. Hum, not curious as to wot u taste like, huh hicky? x

Hikaru: I'll be watching... :)

Kaoru: So not curious? Okay... :( x

Hikaru: Ermm... I mean kind of... ha

Kaoru: Well, strawberries and chocolate. Dark, rich chocolate. And oh so sinfully delicious x

Hikaru: Mmmm can't wait to taste you this weekend ;)

Kaoru: Huh? Ur doing wot this weekend, I thought mori woz goin to be here x

Hikaru: Oh nothing...

Kaoru: Okay... x

Honey using Kaoru's phone: Hi hika-chan, it's me honey sempai. Kao-chan is currently busy with mori sempai and said u would understand x

Hikaru: Yeah, I think I gave too much away. Anyway are you having fun honey? Where is usa-chan today?

Honey: U have usa-chan. *glares into camera* u better take care if usa-chan. S-sorry I bit u before *starts to cry* x

Honey: *of x

Hikaru: Don't cry honey! Although you do look super-ultra-mega cute when you cry :) usa-chan is fine, just having some tea and cake with me.

Honey: *beams brightly* YAY! Um, Kao-chan looks super angry that u think I'm...

Kaoru after stealing back phone: SO U THINK HONEY IS CUTE, WELL FUCK U HIKARU

Hikaru: What! No, I meant cute in a totally non-sexual way. I mean, you've seen him, he's just... I love you ru! :D

Honey after picked up phone from floor because Kaoru threw it down: Hi hika-chan, Kao-chan already left the room to the bathroom. He sounds like he is crying in there. I will tell him what u said, if he will listen, I'm sorry, this is my fault x

Hikaru: No, It's not your fault. He's been really emotional lately and sick in the mornings and... Oh shit... he's... Mpreg?!

Honey: We have spare pregnancy tests (I wonder why...hum) we will have him try them; at least 3 tests will give us a definite answer. We will let u know the result hika-chan x

Honey: Altho he is emotional so his reaction could be unpredictable if he is x

Hikaru: Omg... okay try to calm him down first.

Honey: Mori is trying so it's okay hika-chan x

Hikaru: Okay, I'm so scared...

Kaoru snatched phone...again: YOU FUCKING GOT ME PREGNANT U PRICK!

Hikaru: ...O.o... Omg... OMG I'm... I'm gonna be a dad? I...I love you ru. :)

Kaoru: PRICK!

Honey has picked up phone again (will Kaoru ever stop throwing his phone on the floor? I'm surprised it hasn't broken yet): Hey hika-chan, Mori sempai took Kao-chan to another room to calm down, we didn't succeed the first time also congrats hika-chan x

Hikaru: thanks honey :) I was thinking... I should propose right? Or would that be weird?

Honey: Maybe when the time is right u should propose, otherwise he might just think ur marrying him coz he is pregnant and not coz u love him x

Hikaru: Yeah... I've been thinking about it for a while, but your right... Is he calm enough yet?

Honey: Well he just threw mori through a door and literally kicked Kyoya out the house so I'd say no, But apparently he needs the bathroom x

Hikaru: Last time he was this mad, I had to leave the country for a month... Just don't let him escape okay? He'll kill me. Seriously.

Hikaru: Sorry honey I have to go now, but tell me how it all is tomorrow. :)

Kaoru has now taken phone back (seriously, it's like playing pass with the phone): OMG! Hicky I'm SO sorry, didn't mean to be angry, It's just i woz already angry, then upset now I'm scared. I'm gunna be a 'mommy' hicky. Plz forgive me for being angry, I'm just so scared *starts crying really badly*

Kaoru: Great, I've scared u off. WELL DON'T BOTHER COMING BACK. *cries self to sleep*

_**NEXT DAY**_

Kaoru: I HATE U HIKARU

Hikaru: I'm sorry! I just had to think. We're gonna be great parents! :D I just hope it's not twins...

Kaoru: Why, wots wrong with twins

Hikaru: Well nothing, but, how will we care for 2 kids?

Kaoru: We're rich remember

Hikaru: oh, yeah! We can bring them to the host club! Women love kids right? You see how popular honey is.

Kaoru: Honey is not a kid, and yes they do but there not even born yet and my guess only 5 weeks old x

Hikaru: 5 weeks? Awwww! :) Kawaii! (Translation: cute)

Kaoru: I don't even show yet, Ur making me blush x

Hikaru: Have you told anyone yet? Besides honey and mori. We should have a baby shower!

Kaoru: U don't have a baby shower until in the last few months and no i haven't considering I cried myself to sleep coz someone woz ignoring me...again

Hikaru: I'm sorry! We should really tell Haruhi, she's bound to be good at this stuff

Kaoru: No, I don't like Haruhi considering u used to like her :( (That's meant to be an angry face... fail)

Hikaru: you were the one that made me go out with her! Besides she's with Tamaki now. :)

Kaoru: Wish I didn't, poor Tamaki. Still don't like her tho x

Hikaru: Me neither. We don't need her anyway, we can do this!

Kaoru: Yes together, like always x

Hikaru: Aww :D

Kaoru: :) Goin in bath now so will call later x

Hikaru: Okay, bye ru! Bye baby ru! :)

Kaoru: Aww x

_**THE END XD**_

Yes, some characters are OOC but who cares, I LIKE MY STORY. Plz review to tell me wot u think :P

Also i will be changing my name to Gaara's Girl x as of now thx xx  
i used to be known as ihatepinksomuch, just so u know x


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